Top 10 Signs of a Bad First Date

10)  Starts every sentence with, "According to the terms of my parole..."
  9)  Her water breaks just after the appetizer.
  8)  Will only talk to you via his sock puppet, Mr. Chico.
  7)  Ten minutes into it he starts sobbing and calling you "Mommy."
  6)  45 minute iPhone slideshow of her cats.
  5)  Insists on ordering for you...in Klingon.
  4)  Arrives tired and peaked, asks if you're an organ donor.
  3)  Says you're a much better kisser than her brother.
  2)  His ankle monitor keeps going off during the movie.
  1)  Texts you picture of his dick from the men's room.