9) Ten minutes into it he starts sobbing uncontrollably and calling you "Mommy."
8) Her water breaks just after the appetizer.
7) He seems a little too interested in that boy scout troop bowling in the next lane.
6) Waiter taking your order asks, "And what can I get for your grandfather?"
5) 45 minute iPhone slideshow of her cats.
4) Will only converse with you via his sock puppet, Mr. Chico.
3) Tells you you're a great kisser...much better than her brother.
2) His ankle monitor keeps going off during the movie.
1) Texts you picture of his penis from the mens room.
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