10) Starts every sentence with, "According to the terms of my parole..."
9) Ten minutes into it he starts sobbing uncontrollably and calling you "Mommy."
8) Her water breaks just after the appetizer.
7) He seems a little too interested in that boy scout troop bowling in the next lane.
6) Waiter taking your order asks, "And what can I get for your grandfather?"
5) 45 minute iPhone slideshow of her cats.
4) Will only converse with you via his sock puppet, Mr. Chico.
3) Tells you you're a great kisser...much better than her brother.
2) His ankle monitor keeps going off during the movie.
1) Texts you picture of his penis from the mens room.