For others, Black Friday signals the start of the holiday season and it seems to be starting earlier each year. Some stores actually never closed at all yesterday, thus blurring the line between Thanksgiving and Christmas to the undoubted delight of underpaid retail drones everywhere.
It's Olympic caliber shopping on steroids, complete with 'roid rage (as evidenced by reports of a woman who apparently pepper-sprayed her fellow retail maniacs.) Every year the news reports similar tales of not only shopping-induced lunacy but outright violence. I read one year about a 79 year old woman who cut the throat of a housewife who wouldn't relinquish the last Something-or-Other Elmo on the shelf. How proud Christ must be to see the celebration of His season ushered in with such ruthless and bloodthirsty gusto!
If the stores were actually GIVING away their merchandise you couldn't drag me to within 100 yards of a retail establishment on Black Friday. Yet I have friends and family who not only participate but actually look forward to it and enjoy it! It's like those sick fucks who associate pain with pleasure and can't get off unless someone's hanging dumbells from their nipples with alligator clips.
As yet another Black Friday draws mercifully to a close, I give thanks to a God whom I'm not certain exists for not having had to face the horror that lurks in the nation's malls and shopping centers on this most unholy of unofficial holidays. And if you're one of those crazed, brazen maniacs prone to full-body shopgasms who just couldn't resist the retail Call of The Wild, I hope Black Friday was all that you'd hoped it would be and that you managed to avoid the knife-weilding septuagenarians.
|Glória in excélsis Deo, mother fucker!|