For
others, Black Friday signals the start of the holiday season and it
seems to be starting earlier each year. Some stores actually never
closed at all yesterday, thus blurring the line between Thanksgiving and
Christmas to the undoubted delight of underpaid retail drones
everywhere.
It's
Olympic caliber shopping on steroids, complete with 'roid rage (as
evidenced by reports of a woman who apparently pepper-sprayed her fellow
retail maniacs.) Every year the news reports similar tales of not only
shopping-induced lunacy but outright violence. I read one year about a
79 year old woman who cut the throat of a housewife who wouldn't
relinquish the last Something-or-Other Elmo on the shelf. How proud
Christ must be to see the celebration of His season ushered in with such
ruthless and bloodthirsty gusto!
If the stores were actually GIVING
away their merchandise you couldn't drag me to within 100 yards of a
retail establishment on Black Friday. Yet I have friends and family who
not only participate but actually look forward to it and enjoy it! It's
like those sick fucks who associate pain with pleasure and
can't get off unless someone's hanging dumbells from their nipples with
alligator clips.
As yet another
Black Friday draws mercifully to a close, I give thanks to a God whom
I'm not certain exists for not having had to face the horror that lurks
in the nation's malls and shopping centers on this most unholy of
unofficial holidays. And if you're one of those crazed, brazen maniacs
prone to full-body shopgasms who just couldn't resist the retail Call
of The Wild, I hope Black Friday was all that you'd hoped it would be
and that you managed to avoid the knife-weilding septuagenarians.
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| Glória in excélsis Deo! |
