Top 10 "Or"s

10)  Ginger or Mary Ann?
  9)  Mayo or Miracle Whip?
  8)  Yellow light...slow down or speed up?
  7)  Joel or Mike?
  6)  Boxers or briefs?
  5)  Toilet paper...over or under?
  4)  Beatles or Stones?
  3)  Dave or Sammy?
  2)  Star Trek or Star Wars?
  1)  Michael Jackson...black guy or white chick?

I'm not convinced these are the same species, much less the same person

Top 10 Reasons to Cut Florida Loose and Let It Drift Out to Sea

10)  Deadly hurricanes, Stand Your Ground laws, rampant COVID-19 and cat-sized hissing cockroaches. What's not to love?

  9)  Anything less than 95° and 100% humidity and everyone cries like a little bitch about how cold it is.

  8)  Simple punch-card ballots beyond the intellectual capacity of state's voting populace.

  7)  Ponce de León’s fabled Fountain of Youth? No. The Burt Reynolds & Friends Museum? Yes.

  6)  Damn near impossible to figure out which beige Buick is yours in the Old Country Buffet parking lot.

  5)  Mar-a-Lago ('nuff said)

  4)  Despite large Jewish population surprisingly difficult to find a decent pastrami on rye.

  3)  Retirement community holiday golf cart parade and pot luck supper mark pinnacle of social season.

  2)  The Everglades: One of nature's pristine wonders or a shitty, malodorous hell-scape teeming with insects, deadly reptiles and parasites whose sole goal in life is to lay their eggs in your urethra?

  1)  State motto: America's Dick.

Burt Reynolds & Friends Museum

100 N US Hwy 1, Jupiter, FL 33477
(561) 743-9955

Thu-Sun: 11-4
Admission: $5.00

It's Only Cheating if You Get Caught

Would someone please explain to me why some people cheat at solitaire?  How much of a sick hyper-competitive butt-wipe must you be to cheat at a game in which you're the only player?

Top 10 Favorite Fruits & Vegetables

10)  RuPaul

  9)  Karen Ann Quinlan

  8)  Richard Simmons

  7)  Tomatoes

  6)  The entire male cast of Glee

  5)  Sunny von Bülow

  4)  Liberace

  3)  Terri Schiavo

  2)  Bananas

  1)  Tom Cruise

Remember when Eddie Murphy used to be funny?  Neither do I.

Top 10 Signs of a Bad First Date

10)  Starts every sentence with, "According to the terms of my parole..."
  9)  Her water breaks just after the appetizer.
  8)  Will only talk to you via his sock puppet, Mr. Chico.
  7)  Ten minutes into it he starts sobbing and calling you "Mommy."
  6)  45 minute iPhone slideshow of her cats.
  5)  Insists on ordering for you...in Klingon.
  4)  Arrives tired and peaked, asks if you're an organ donor.
  3)  Says you're a much better kisser than her brother.
  2)  His ankle monitor keeps going off during the movie.
  1)  Texts you picture of his dick from the men's room.