Top Ten Ways to Pass the Time During Hurricane Irene

10)  Tell the weather guy outside the Starbucks that the weather guy outside the Home Depot just called him a pussy.

  9)  Post fake hurricane-related celebrity deaths on Facebook.

  8)  Let's just say that the storm shouldn't be the only thing that's coming, ya' know what I mean?

  7)  Join Gov Christie at his Emergency Response HQ (that booth next to the bakery case at Mastoris Diner.)

  6)  Get all of your friends to call 6ABC's Monica Malpass while she's on the air and ask, "Does the carpet match the drapes?"

  5)  Down a shot every time NBC-10's Glenn "Hurricane" Schwartz says, "This one's for real, people!"

  4)  Compete to see who can come up with the best hyperbolic storm nickname or description, like "Stormzilla," "Hurrigeddon," or "Hurripocalypse" (as suggested by my friend David Darrow...thanks, Dave!) 

  3)  Place bets on the number of times the talking heads at FOX News use the words "hurricane" and "Obama" in the same sentence.

  2)  Get down on your hands and knees and pray to God for Irene to wipe out the entire cast of Jersey Shore.

  1)  Naked hatch-battening.

Psst, Jehovah...they're over here!